Into thin air article online dating
Into thin air article online dating - online dating india reviews of windows
at a party hosted by a mutual friend a few years ago.
After these failed plans, he’d go dark and I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks or months. altogether, he’d send a message that said, “Hey gorgeous, what’s going on?
I was disappointed the first one or two times this happened, but eventually I just got used to the idea that while M. ” The first few times this happened, I was flattered, but eventually his sporadic texts just became annoying. wasn’t technically a , he had other things going on and I was definitely not a priority.
I blocked his number and have yet to regret my decision.
At the time I found my Houdini-like love interest’s behavior confounding.
However, thanks to an article in New York Magazine, I now have a word for what he was doing: He was “benching” me – dangling just enough of an emotional carrot to keep me on his roster, in case he ever wanted to bring me into active play.
I can’t remember many instances where I’ve been benched by a girl, but it’s been pretty easy to bench them.” But, I have to disagree. In the past, keeping in touch with a love interest required actually calling them or seeing them in person and having a conversation.
As much as I complain about benching, I have benched many men in the past. If you weren’t sure about someone, you were way less likely to make the effort.
But, with our smartphones in our palms, it takes almost zero effort to text someone; therefore keeping someone “on the bench” just in case.
While this kind of behavior seems innocuous, it actually isn’t fair to anyone involved. The openendedness of having a handful of people on the bench not only means that you’re leading them on, you’re also allowing yourself to avoid making any kind of decisions in your dating life – which isn’t good either. Often people bench other people out of fear because they’re not sure how the other person feels or how to communicate their own feelings. If they know how you feel and they’re still content to keep you on the sidelines, that’s all the closure you need.
While “benching” may sound similar to another new, popular dating lexicon, “ghosting,” the two are actually quite different.
Whereas with ghosting, the ghoster literally disappears into thin air; when you “bench” someone, you keep them on the back-burner, simmering just in case.
Maybe you’re not in a place to date anyone right now but want to keep your options open or you’re not really into the other person but you hope they get the message and move on without you saying anything – whatever the story, benching seems like an easy way to avoid confrontation.